Q: What did the blonde say when she was showed her newborn baby in the delivery room?
A: I'm not going to suck anything *that* small.

Q: What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
A: You keep hearing about them, but never see any.

Q: What does a blond say during a porno?
A: There I am!!

Q: Why doesn't a blondes guts fall out of her twat when she stands?
A: Because the vaccum in her head keeps them in place.

Q: What's the difference between having sex with a blonde and eating Jell-o?
A: Jell-o wiggles when you eat it.

Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
A1: I don't know, there are some things even a blonde won't do.
A2: Something that when it gives you a blow job, it won't stop until it gets blood.

Q: Why was the blonde wearing her sunglasses?
A: She was having sunny periods.

Q: What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant?
A: Her feet!

Q: How can you tell when a blonde is wearing pantyhose?
A: When she farts, her knees bag.

Q: What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist?
A: Marriage.

Q: How is a blonde like a frying pan?
A: You have to get them hot before you put in the meat.

Q: How do you make a blond laugh on Monday mornings ?
A: Tell them a joke on Friday night !

Q: How do you describe the perfect blonde?
A: 3 feet tall, no teeth, and a flat head to rest your beer on.

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't. They're born that way.

Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
A: They're too hard to peel.

Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proofreading.

Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.

Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.

Q: How can you tell a blonde had a bad day?
A: Her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn't know what she did with her cigarette.

Q: What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
A: Way to go team!

Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)

Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: To keep from bruising their ears.

Q: Why do blondes have vaginas?
A: So guys will talk to them at parties.

Q: Why does the blonde stand in front of a window during a thunder storm?
A: She loves taking pictures (flashes, got it?).

Q: What do you call a blonde with a runny nose?
A: Full.

Q: What does a blonde answer to the question "Are you sexually active?"
A: "No, I just lie there."

Q: What's the first thing a blonde says in the morning?
A: "Thanks, guys..."

Q: What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of the pool?
A: Air pockets.

Q: How many blondes does it take to screw the entire Bengals team?
A: Just One... Boomer Esiason.

Q: What's brown and red and black and blue?
A: A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes.

Q: What do you call a brunette and three blondes on a corner?
A: You don't, you see if you've got 3 condoms.

Q: How does the blonde car pool work?
A: They all meet at work at 7:45.

Q: Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England?
A: She found out Big Ben is only a clock.

Q: Why can't blondes make ice cubes?
A: They always forget the recipe.

Q: Why do blonde's find it difficult to marry?
A: Because you don't have to marry them to have sex with them!

Q: Did you hear about the blonde that said she would do anything for a fur coat?
A: Well, now she can't button it.(prego)

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who had an apendix operation?
A: Well, now she is making money on the side.

Q: Did you hear about the scared blonde nurse down by the water?
A: She won't go DOWN ON THE DOC.

Q: Did you hear about the blond that was treated at the emergency room for a concussion and severe head wounds?
A: She tried to commit suicide by hanging herself with a bungie cord.

Q: DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE BLONDE THAT ALMOST CAUSED A WRECK?
A: The spare tire in her trunk blew out.

Q: DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE BLONDE DOCTOR?
A: She shaved her patients, then took off their clothes.

Q: DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE BLONDE THAT ATE MOUNTAIN OYSTERS?
A: She was dragged 200 yards.

Q: DID YOU HEAR BOUT THE BLONDE WHO COULN'T WAIT TO SEE "20,000 LEAGUES UNDER THE SEA"?
A: She said that she loved baseball, and was surprised that there were so many teams.

Q: DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE NEW FORM OF BIRTH CONTROL FOR BLONDES?
A: They take off their makeup.

Q: Why won't a blonde drink beer at the beach?
A: She's afraid to get sand in her Busch.

Q: Why do blondes wear tight skirts?
A: To keep their legs together.

Q: How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto Maple Leafs?
A: She fell out of the tree.

Q: HOW MANY BLONDES DOES IT TAKE TO SCREW IN A LIGHTBULB?
A: Blondes screw in back seats, not in lightbulbs, silly.

Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
A: One.

Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN ?
A: She didn't know what ONE came first...

Q: Why don't blondes talk when having sex?
A1: Their mothers told them not to talk to strangers.
A2: Their mothers told them not with their mouths full.

Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
A: Divorced.

Q: What do you call a blonde without an asshole?
A: Divorced.

Q: How many blondes does it take to make a circuit?
A: Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the blow dryer!

Q: How do you describe 3 prostitutes and a blonde?
A: Ho, Ho, Ho, and to all a good night.

Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.

Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.

Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on her.

Q: How did the blonde burn her nose?
A: Bobbing for french fries.

Q: How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
A: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.

Q: How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?
A: A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the bosses' faces.

Q: How can you tell when a blonde is dating?
A: By the buckle print on her forehead.

Q: How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend?
A: He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression in her forehead!

Q: How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
A: She has a checkbook.

Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a guy?
A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Panama Canal?
A: The Panama Canal is a busy ditch.

Q: What's the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a blonde track team?
A: The pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts.

Q: What is the difference between a crazy fighting hockey player and a blonde?
A: He is fussy by nature and would go to any length to get a puck.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes before using a trampoline.

Q: What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde?
A: The prostitute says "Aren't you done yet?"
The nympho says "Are you done already?"
The blonde says "Beige...I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."

Q: What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde?
A: A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
A: You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a shower?
A: A shower has to be turned on to get wet.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
A: Your job still sucks after 6 months.

Q: What is the difference between a blond and a toilet?
A: A toilet won't follow you around after you use it.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
A: In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo."

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine?
A: Not everybody has been in a limo.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
A1: You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
A2: You can't fit the blonde in the bowling ball.
A3: There is no difference. They're both round and have three holes to poke.
A4: You don't eat your bowling ball

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of York?
A: The Grand Old Duke of York only 'had' 10000 men.

Q: What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS?
A: Lipstick.

Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.

Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?
A: They both get fucked up when they're on their back.

Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.

Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?
A: They're doing research on black holes.

Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Throw her mirror out the window.

Q: What does a blonde and a computer have in common?
A: You don't appreciate either one, till they go down on you.

Q: How does make up her mind?
A: She puts lipstick on her forehead.

Q: Why did the stop fucking the guy.

A: Because his two minutes were done.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a parking meter.

A: The meter knows when to stop.

Q: Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead?
A: Finger on chin-I don't know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it!

Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
A: From eating with forks.

Q: Why do blondes have more fun?
A1: Because they don't know any better.
A2: They are easier to keep amused.

Q: Why do blonde's find it difficult to marry?
A: Because you don't have to marry them for sex!

Q: Why do blondes have legs?
A1: So they don't get stuck to the ground.
A2: To get between the bedroom and the kitchen.
A3: So they don't leave trails, like little snails.

Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs?
A: Because they can spell it.

Q: Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm?
A: *Who cares?*

Q: Why do blondes have periods?
A: They deserve them

Q: Why do blondes have big bellybuttons?
A: From dating blonde men.

Q: What does a blonde and a tampon have in common?
A: They're both stuck up c*nts!

Q: Why do blondes wear tampons?
A: Because crabs like Bungie Jumping too.

Q: Why do blondes drive VW's
A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE!!

Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
A: To cover up the valve stem.

Q: Why do blonds have square boobs?
A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.

Q: Why do Blondes take the pill?
A: So they know what day of the week it is.

Q: But why do brunettes take the pill ?
A: Wishful Thinking.